Friday, May 28, 2004

Silence is NOT Assent. Ever.--Sobering reflections on the minds of men and the American Justice system

Once again, a rant on my coworker, Chris. To grasp what my anger is over, please go to THIS SITE... and search for an article called "Jury in Rape Case Deadlocks" on Friday May 28,2004.

Read it. And then, continue reading below.

My dear boy (because you are still in your opinions and attitudes an immature boy);

Please keep in mind that the female sex does not EVER wish to be "put down" to "entice/tempt" without fail all men (what are we some sort of deadly evil force? WTF?!), and that women deserve to be raped simply because they do not voice their disproval---silence DOES NOT EVER MEAN ASSENT, DESPITE WHAT RECENT DEVELOPMENTS IN OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM MAY IMPORT!

Please keep in mind that faced with an unknown situation that a person has no training for, the first reaction of the human brain is to comply or shut downn in panic, especially when there are several people present that are also "going along" with events. Ever heard of the psych experiments done by a scientist named ASH?

Well, basically people comply, and will do anything to be accepted by a group. Don't believe me? Still think that Psychology is a crock? Good. Go to these sites, and then try to tell me that again, asshole:
Mental help.net

A students take on the deal
On compliance

Oh, and honey? No sane woman is such a hoebag that as a college student, she wishes to have sex with THREE (count them, 1,2,3) men at 8 am in the morning before class, WITHOUT being drunk or mentally impaired in any way. Hello, does that even make SENSE? No, not really.

Where in hell does such a chauvinist asshole get off? Are you so bitter because you can't seem to get a girlfriend? Hmmm, lemme think about that. Maybe, just MAYBE the reason you can't get a girlfriend is because you're a LOSER, an ASSHOLE, and a CHAVINIST JERK!?!! Maybe you should consider the fact that no intelligent PERSON, let alone a WOMAN wishes to be thought of as automatically inferior if she can't stand up for herself, and if she does, she's "unnatural".

Dude, I just can't work with that dude anymore. He grates on my logic, by being completely emotive, and refusing to think logically. He may be an engineer and shit (or whatever the hell he's chosing for a career) but he SURE as hell isn't as well read or informed as me. I HAVE to be. Being a woman is hard, and if you're not aware of things in the larger and smaller view, you won't get ahead in a male-dominated world. So It really boils my blood when Some guy tries to tell me that some girl was raped because her story was 'weak' and she didn't say no.

God damn you, you fucking wanna-be rapist! (never thought I'd actually be condemning someone). So if a girl never said no (and didn't say yes either) you'd just proceed with whatever the hell you wanted? I wouldn't wanna be YOUR girlfriend. GRRRRRRRRRR. So angry about this still... Let me tell you, that's not how it works. It's called reciprocity. And it means BEING EQUAL, and that means being able to say no or yes. And you being able to RESPECT THAT.

And haven't you heard of DENIAL? People go through it all the time. It's been studied that rape victims will often not even REPORT a rape because their mind is in such a state of shock. And haven't you heard of something else called RESISTANCE? If someone resists (like the other people the young men visited in the dorms) then a person is not likely to try again, unless they are excessively stupid. Initial resistance means that there would be continued resistance, a struggle, NOISE. But if someone doesn't resist at all, wouldn't any guy try to see how far he could go? Not ALL guys are like this, but human beings as a general rule like to TEST each other's limits. Or supercede them into excess, as in the case of rape.

I talked to the duty RD and some other peepz in Rieber, and evidently the boys got off on rape, but the prosecution will get those bastards for something else. Assault, I hope. A civil charge of mental distress and diestruction of life, or something. ANYTHING.

Oh, and do you even KNOW how juries are selected boy? No, I didn't THINK so. (more on that later...)

Makes me glad that I'm going to Spain next year. I'm not so sure that I want to live in a country that is unwilling to protect a woman's rights from fear and intimidation. Fuck that.

Oh, and Chris? FUCK YOU.

Thus ends my rant.

On another note, thursday was fun. I slept through the workshop, and then just chilled all night long, reading the paper, decorating my notebook for next year...and reading my spain green book. Sounds like its going to be really beautiful and fun. YAY!

Allright, am all packed up for trip to yosemite, except for water supplies. I gotta go...have a great weekend everyone, and remember, read the paper with a critical eye! Hope you enjoyed my food for thought...

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

another NTS

Still have not talked to jason. Really don't want to, but I will. I feel like it's only going to bake things worse, but I suppose closure is the best thing for now, right?

Alumni are cool. No, really!

Okay, that was cool. I went to the “careers for north-campus majors” night at the James west alumni center that My little Sis Totran helped/planned. What a really neat evening! All of the grads were so INTERESTING. I talked to a lady who was a creative scriptwriter and teacher, Meehna Goldsmith, who reccommended some really good books to read this summer (yay!) And some people to look up if I was really interested in the creative writing process. A fascinating woman–her last project was a film noir that she called “Off the press”...so if you ever see something by that name in the near future, she was the interesting person who came up with it...

Also another intersting lady called Ann Shepphird, who was an editor and travel writer for Association News and Sports travel magazine. (She was the first one I talked to). She was really interesting, and liked the traveling part of her job a lot. She advised us to go and do internships, and said that the companies really want you and treat you really well because you aren’t competing for their jobs, but are interested in learning the business (whatever it is).

Then I talked to Allison Levy who was the Marketing coordinator for MGM Home entertainment, who basically assembles all the elements involved in big screenplays and creates the total marketing package, advertisements, dvd covers/design/synopses, etc. Cool job, has a little bit of everything involved in it, budgeting, design, research ....interesting.

Sonia Solin was the non-profit director of Reading Is Fundamental for SOCAL... and recommended that we improve your writing skills for the business world by buying the Associated Press Handbook for learning the style of writing used for “press-core” writing...and said that we should practice our writing and get feedback on it (ta-daa! My blog!) In order to present ourselves well. She was really quite informative on just us following our passions and becoming comfortable with ourselves and what we wanted to do. Ha ha, a funny comment from her was “interviews are like first dates...same sort of ridiculous emotional rollercoster!” and when we were talking of interviews, she said writing the cover letter was almost as important as writing the resume itself! Ha ha, and, she gave advice about interview questions... “I:‘What are your flaws?’ S:...Well, I prefer to call them areas of development!!!” HA HA HA

Was so feeling like CRAP today, that I totally snuck out of Philo 7 an hour early, went to the house to get my sk8board, then hoofed it back to Ackerman union to buy more Nyquil...the one substance that I worship when sick. So I’m worshiping it now. Then, I went home, washed the goo off my face, and went to SLEEP. Poor Heather couldn’t motivate me to get out of bed (too tired and ick-sick feeling) and I slept until 6:20, when I got up and started getting ready for the alumni night. I wore my off the shoulder sweater and NEW BLUE SKIRT!!! SOOO CUTE!

So now, I should really go to bed.

On another (ha ha ha!) note... (I can’t stop!) Totran came over and visited. Poor baby is having man doubts/problems. Yikes. Well, whatever happens, I’m here for her....she sounded so upset! Hope she’s okay. Ha ha, Jules called me and said hello to my lil sis...ha ha ha, and said something (I’m sure) along the lines of “you’ll have to come drinking with us” or something about Totran’s alkie tolerance. Ha ha HA! Which is funny, because we all know what happens when you give her alkie...tee hee hee hee, really! (There’s pictures somewhere...) And she’s allergic to some kinds. Eh, I say just drink caffeine. It has more of a funny effect both with her and me anyhow than alkie has on my sister. Whohoo! Yay for cracked-out caffeine addicted college girls! WheeeHEE heee heeeeeee! *runs madly up and down the hall earning glares*

Turned in my “consortium agreement” with Eva yesterday...really do hope that it goes through. That’s the one that would let my parents pay UCLA, and UCLA would send the $$ to the U. Of Michigan for IES... Ohgawd, ohgawd, PLEAHHHSE let that sucker go through!

New list of things to do is horrendous. Yikes. SEE?............
VISA (June15)
RAIL PASS–>sta
PASSPORT PHOTOS (June 15)
MEDICAL REPORT (June 1)
“Cross cultural psych study” instead if cant get credit transferred
HOUSING–>cancel housing request.
PLANE TIX–>sta
RESUME/Curriculum Vitae–>sra. Dobos (internship..3para on goals..etc)
Martha “boncam?” 1.619.713.0125 for IES info

Cutie Pies activity
Sorority leave of absence

EMAIL:
email ubee UBEE 1.714.536.2263
email tyler about Oregon
Meehna Goldsmith ‘89 Screenwriter/educator m@earthlink.net
Email AnnaKay at a@wanadoo.fr about plans for next year!
Email carol at s@hotmail.com
BOOKS TO READ:
Graff, M. Culture shock! Spain
Hemingway, Ernest. The Sun Also Rises, Death in the Afternoon
Hooper, John. The Spaniards
Michner, James. Iberia
Preston, Paul. Franco: A Bibliography
Simon Winchester (author)
Walter Murch The Conversations
David Howard The Tools of Screenwriting
The Secret of the Temple; how the Federal Reserve runs the country
SEE:
“Secretary”
“Kill Bill II”
LOOK UP:
linda obst (producer)
John August (on screenwriting)
script-o-rama
Final draft Program for screenwriting
www.andrewripp.com for band guy
FANDANGO.COM / MOVIETICKETS.COM for harry potter!

Yup, that’s my list. Okay, going to go once again wash the goo from my face. Yaaaugh, need sleep! Ashe center tomorrow, here I come! OOOH! Forgot! Must study lab notebook! Yeek! BAI BAI!!

NTS: tai bay! and writing!

Saturday, May 22, 2004

No Stargazing, but lots of fun anyhow!

Waaaaaah! I guess that Kim and I are not going stargazing tonight...

On another note, am home, getting summer clothes. Wow, such a relief. Dang, but if it's summer, do I have to shave my legs when I wear shorts? Shoot...

Hanging with Mum and Da is fun. Really. Or, sweeping the patio and having Da heckle me while doing it, "...a little to the left. no, no...now a little to the right..Oh! you missed a spot..." Ha ha ha. Booger. Ah well. Hrmmm, he also shot a rubber band at my butt...must go retaliate in a juvenile fashion...HANG ON!

LATER:(after shooting the unsuspecting tv-watching dad in the butt...) My IES stuff is being sent in, I've made a checkup appointment with the dratted student health center (for visa purposes), and I've submitted my housing. I guess I'm applying to live in the dormitories in spain. Should be very interesting. Ah well, I kind of did want to live in homestay, since I've been in dormitories for TWO years now...It does get a bit old... Ah, the things I sacrifice for internet access, eh?

Ha ha, I have more goodies for the Lil' sis, but she won't get them until later...soon. The week after next, I think. Maybe? Hrm. Don't remember! Rats. Yay, dad took me out and we got my visa photos done today--they're not too bad. I may have to get more of them though. eeyike. And daddy and I made copies of official stuff for Mum, stopped at the 99 cent store, the bookstore, and the market. Yum, crackers!

I'm glad that I got so much accomplished today. It's a great feeling, knowing that the next major hurdle is getting my damn visa. Spanish consulate, here I come! I'll probably have to figure out how to get there by bus, since I don't really want to subject anyone to the long lines...I've got a book to read and a journal to start decorating. Oh, and must remember to get some good maps of spain and Salamanca and Madrid...the bookstore didn't really have any good ones, but perhaps triple A will. Hmmm.
Got to get that checkup done first though, before I go.

Bought a new book at costco. Called "Dante's Club" by Pearl-somebody or other. Looked really good. Was SO tempted at the bookstore to buy "Catch 22", 'specially since I know how good it is. (I read it during the summer). I've got to find a good library with fun/interesting/classic books to read for the summer. Or else I might have problems refraining from spending money on books.

Anywhoo, going to go do something else. Spent the afternoon/morning checking on flight fares. Bleah. All expensive. Fuck that! So now, I think I'll go read my book or start fixing up the goodies that I'm making for the little sis. Hah ha, which now she's going to be dying to know what they are...because she's probably reading this, now, isn't she? HA HA HA BWAAAHAHAHAAA! (repeat evil laugh)
But she won't find out, oh noooo!

Allright, enough with the devilishness. Off to happy literary land*.


*(aka: laine's heaven = good book

Thursday, May 20, 2004

A second opinion....yup. still sucked.

Okay, a nematode that lives only on the underside of beer bar coasters? hmmm. A thought to consider...maybe a dissertation to pursue? heh heh heh.

That has to have been the most boring lab ever. The dude just kept talking, and didn't let us walk around and do the lab ourselves...How dumb is that?!? (Pretty dumb, as you can see from my earlier entry when I was bored and close to the computer in lab...it's right there, so why noT?!?!)

Ha ha, that was so great, everyone was either falling asleep or goofing off on the computers, especially Kim and I...Ha ha. She showed me some totally good sites, which I'm going to add to my links section... One at Fark.com and another couple I've got to check out and add later. The poor ta totally knew too! Social deviance is fun. I should have done it more in high school. Damn. Oh well!

Gotta do my cpr, then off to sleep~!

lab...urg.

god. lab stubstitute is SO boring....arg!

test was so easy. i didn't need to study at all!

Phooey

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Zip! ...wait, that was it?

Damn, was that it?

That was the Midterm?

You gotta be kidding me...

All right, it's official: I like Zimmer better. She doesn't try and fuck you up the ass with her tests--Unlike Shipe's tricky shit. Good deal. I think I actually did okay!

Today was busy. I actually managed to get in a nap though--so impressed with myself. AND, I read the chapter on animals and leafed through my lab book. Ooh, that reminds me. I've got to study for lab tomorrow...and call my lil sis. I don't think I can go bowling (since I've got to study for Astro 3) but I can have dinner, can't I?

Yahoo! Only one more to goooo!

Ha ha, sat through Astro with the worst cramps, so I took very little notes and GLARED (and I mean that) in the WORST way at the poor prof and hunching over, holding my tummy. He must have thought I was some sort of freaky bitch, ha ha ha ha! Then I saw him in line at Ackerman Market...I was buying painkillers for the cramps. Whups! Oh well....YAY! On another note, he's rescheduled the stunt ranch viewing trip to saturday!!!

Shit, am I supposed to go home then? Eeyikes. Well, I guess I could go home, and then come back saturday?

dang.

Shit. Deep. Midterm=Shit.

GAH! Can anyone say "unprepared"??!! At least when I try to do the questions at the ends of the chapters, I feel that way. Too much shit about LS swimming around in my head! WAH! And there's one more chapter and the review of my Lab book to do... Maybe I'll go to bed and review tomorrow too...ugh, I hate reviewing before the test, but what else can I do? This is what I deserve for not studying on Monday!! BAD ME! BAD! Oh, and the saddest part is I just don't care, damnit. Wow, this is bad...

But....

I WILL DOMINATE, DAMN YOUUUUU!!!!!

Monday, May 17, 2004

Awww...

Awww, Lil' One Toes is so cute! She called me to thank ME for giving her all that stuff. You know what? HA! Thank HER for being my Little Sis! Wow, I have a AWESOME Little Sis. And for those of you who think I'm waxing sappy, TOUGH. I deserve SOME sappyness in my life.

I love giving people gifts. It's even better when you know it's something they'll use and love. It's the best feeling in the world. Yay. It's even better than GETTING gifts. Which is why I went ga-ga and got her all the stuff she wanted.

Geeze, this is so exciting. Amazing, really. Dang, I need to go to sleep... Studying shall occur in FORCE tomorrow. To be sure. Yup.

Goo is gone from face. I like that term. I think I shall henceforth (if I remember) call all makeup goo. All right, time for sleep. SLEEEP!

And Your BIG SIS IS.....MEEE!

HURRRAHHHHH! Big sis' relevation was tonight. Aha ha. Kim and I thought we were going to the stunt ranch for astro 3 (though it was cancelled due to weather) so we stopped at the market for ribbon (pink) and batteries and candy for meeting.

Dinner was good--mashed potatoes, gravy, spicy tofu, green beans, and salad...with strawberry shortbread for dessert! Yay for dessert being the saving grace of dinner. As usual.

Okay, back to the main subject here...Big sis' relevation! After dinner, (dude, I was so hyperventilating with excitement when I saw her walk up the front walk...I was talking to sarah, who I told "dude, i can't even go hug her [Totran] right now, because if I do, I'll be grinning like an idiot and give it away!") when Totran had arrived from her SAA dinner/meeting, we had them have their "pledge meeting" in the TV room and we all set up their "ribbon maze". Ha ha, it was so cute because Totran was so impatient to find the end of the "evil LONG pink ribbon" and was totally confused when it changed colors (to green) and then found the end and her card. I made her a super cute card really fast today when I found out that it was big sis relevation night... I didn't know what else to do...

She was jumping up and down from so much excitement! Hee hee, so cute, she kept hugging me! Awww, I love my lil' one! And, it was really hilarious because Monica Dournae totally had THE longest ribbon ever (she wrapped it around the breezeway, for heaven's sake!) and Tanya was laughing so hard by the end of it. It was great because all the new members were SUPER excited about it... Even namesake! (Now there's more than one Elaine! Yay, so proud, namesake! It's even spelled the same...)

Oh, and then of course, the Pinning ceremony, where they all get their pledge pins. Got to remember the five "s's": no wearing the pin while having sex, sleeping, sports, "sipping", and showering. (I always forget that... I think they told us something different; we didn't have the handy "5 s's" idea when I pledged.)

It's so funny, my Lil' one is tiny! I'm so much taller than her when I hug her. And sarah and Brooke are SO much taller than me... As Sarah put it, "They keep gettin' smaller here! Gotta get some taller ones around here..."

Oooh, funny quote for the day was me and Kim driving from the market to the house. In the left turn lane onto Hilgard Ave., some guy was going really slowly and looking over at some hot guy (extremely ripped, hair FAR too spiked and bleached blond to be straight) running on Hilgard, and us impatiently following behind (at a red left turn light) commenting caustically, (E) "Dude, quit looking at the MALE CANDY!!" and, (k)"Yeah! Quit being GAY, and DRIVE!!!" Then, we both cracked up. Other peepz would've laughed if they'd been there...ha ha ha ha ah, sad. Rag-bag memories. w00t!

Hee hee, Lil' One asked me what my favorite colors were...Ah! So hard! I like Pink, Green, Blue, aquamarine/teal, orange and red...yellow. Impossible, aren't I? I'm going to go visit them at tuck in tomorrow too. Maybe I'll bring them some goodies too....(don't tell them that!)

Saturday, May 15, 2004

IES!! I'M GOING TO SPAIIIN!!!

Yarrrrrg. Have spent the entire day reading my IES abroad packet...and I'm STILL not done. There's a LOT of shit in there. EEyikesahs. So much shit to DO! Not to mention the brushing up I've got to do with my spanish.

I'd better take a nap tonight. Gotta work the late shift. Man, my tummy keeps rumbling. Think it's gas, since I keep belching. I inhaled my food tonight, I was so freakin' hungry. Had din-din with Bridget.

Yay big sis! I almost never get to see her...Ooh, the result of dinner and talking was the decision that we're going to camp out for the Harry Potter Premiere! So now I have to check Fandango and Movietickets.com everyday until I can buy tickets online. HEH HEH HEH. I can't wait! It's one of my college goals: camp out to see a movie! YAY! WEEEG!

All righty, off to more mayhem (and brochure reading)...

Friday, May 14, 2004

Who'm I kidding?!?

All right, orchid delivered, after a quick jaunt down to westwood Greek Express on the skateboard to grab a cute pot. Was almost forced to leave the plant outside the door, but luckily the room mate came home in the nick of time and I left it on her desk. Can't wait to see how she likes it (eventhough it isn't pink)...Gah I'm a sweaty person on that skateboard. Yick.

Fuck. That Philosophy midterm was....hm. I dunno. I'm just REALLY REALLY REALLY relieved that it's over. I have no clue really what I wrote. Hope it was correct, whatever it was. I almost nodded off in my earlier classes today.(...a COUPLE times...) Now for my LS and Astro 3 midterms again NEXT week, and I'll be good. At least until finals. Glag!

I think I'm still in a bad odor about the friends and crazy stalker-date-boy thing. It's definitely getting to that time of month, so it'll take me a while to cool down. Gimme a week, at least. I don't think I've ever been quite this outraged with anyone for a while.

Dunno how people can expect me to take things with my usual calm this week of the month...or how they expect me to forgive the guy so easily. No, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna! A quick three minute visit where he suggests (rather hopefully) that we hang out? And he's exhausted? Noooooo. *shudders* AND, I'm sick. boo on that shit. I'm sorry, I'm good for other things besides making out, though that can be nice, once in a while.

I think I'd better go to bed after not much sleep last night. I can sleep all night if I want to; I work LATE tomorrow night. If I make it to the triangle bash, eh, good for me. I'm feeling pretty sick though.

Who'm I kidding?!!? It's to bed for me!

Positive thinking...maybe it'll help. Then again, maybe not!

Oh mi god! I'm cursed with "smoker voice"!! YEARG! Terrible! I totally sound like I'm fifty-something years old and smoked three packs a day for the past 20 of those years....at least. Gross.

Oh, and I was stupid enough to sleep yesterday evening, wake up at like 12, and then stay up for the rest of the night. I hate being sick...it totally fucks with my sleep schedule. Dayquil to the rescue again. Again.

Ooh, and I dunno IF I'm prepared for my philosophy midterm...heh heh, YIKES.

Gotta somehow deliver orchid plant to lil sis's today. Must find better pot than yellow mug, however. Hrmmmm. Should be fun.

Angela was gone all last night...came home around seven am today. Wonder where she was. Eh, probably avoiding my disgusting goo-ness. (I keep coughing up throat goo.)I really hope she doesn't get sick. Yick.

I am gross...though my nose has now dried up after a lovely shower and some tea. And the throat is better after some apple juice and that drink stuff tyler likes (what the hell is it called again...ginger ale?).

Anyhow, I'm gonna go study some more and hike down the hill to class. Yeahhh....wish me luck in staying awake. I can do it! I can do it!

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Tuck-in night = sore throat!

Oh, god, was that tuck-in fun last night. My little (when you get alcohol into her) is a CRAZY baby. tee heee hee heeeee! She was down for EVERYthing. Good girl, way to go lineage! Wahaha, there will be incriminating photos up the wahzoolie. And she didn't even have that MUCH alcohol. But she's like 90 pounds...and I bet she's never really drunk alckie before. Oooh, how I wish I had a picture of her using the "tall guys" as strip poles...when she was pole dancing!! (You can imagine the rest of the dares from that!) We cut her off after the first shot tho...and gave her water and cookies to eat. Yikesahs.

The only sad result of the whole marvelous shebang is that I now officially have a sick/sore throat and lost voice from cheering and laughing. Ever laugh so hard it hurts? Well, that was me! God, I laughed so hard. (That was a singularly repetitive and inane statement, wasn't it?)

I think the pink thing is rubbing off on me. I am starting to like it. Maybe it's because I have those cute pink shoes now... I still like orange, teal/aquamarine, blue and green though. I'm "broadening" my horizons. Ha ha. (I wore pink and green and black.)

The great part about LS lab today was that we got to walk around in the botanical gardens today...we switched the week 5 & 6 labs, I guess. Drats. Ooh, but the gardens were beautiful, and we DIDN'T have a test! yahooooooo! What serendipity. Sucks that I missed last weeks lab though, since I was so fagged out on sleep and stuff. Ah well. You win some...and others you just sleep through!

Had dinner with Julie and eventually Heather last night. Then walked down to westwood for more cookies and a cute kids book (Dr. Seus's "Oh the Places You'll Go!") at the mystery bookstore. Which, I just might have to visit again soon. Good stuff. It was probably a bad idea for my friends to introduce me to it, because I know I'll get hooked. It's so close too! Damn.

Am really quite frustrated that friends don't understand that I'm not half as interested in "relationship" (see previous day's rant) as they are. I guess they just don't understand the fact that there are some guys that are great to date and be friends with, but you're just NOT interested in anything other than a casual relationship. If I wasn't interested last year, why would they think I am THIS year? And why, oh why are they pressuring me about it!? Back OFF! AIIIIEEEEEE! I was talking with Lauren Ershoff about that. She can totally understand, since her parents did the same thing to her. BLEARG. As my AIM profile said yesterday, "GRRRAaGLeRrrR!!! Its a sound of intense frustration." That about sums up the whole circus.

And about said boy; he is NOT in my good graces (still i'm steamed about this) and I really just want a WEEK's break to cool down. One day is evidently not enough for me. Maybe we should just call it off or take a break. I'm not thrilled about it. In fact, more and more It seems as though I could give a tinker's damn/rat's ass about the whole deal. Sooo, maybe it WOULD be better for him if I just called it off. How do I do it without giving him hope for the future (not gonna happen) and keeping his friendship though? I don't want to crush him. He's a lovely guy. Just not for me, you know?

All right, time for the horrible CPR. Gotta get it done, and do my Philosophy 7 midterm preparation.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Mom called!

Yay, just talked to mom. Much better, she is not nagging me. good deal, I shall survive. Huzzah! I'm going to call Tyler's mom and UBEE about the whole going abroad thing for their opinions. Hm. and must call other big sis's about the tuck-in tonight.

Ever wanted to talke out a contract on someone(s)?

Okay, this is really fucking creeping me out. Boy (no names...said boy I am DATING right now) has acquired stalker-ish characteristics. Okay, it’s great that he is friends with many of my friends, and can talk to them... but when he relies upon them to call me and harangue me about being unreachable or not talking to him...THAT, in itself is wrong. If he wants to talk to me, he can CALL ME. And, if I am not in class, busy with friends, or in a meeting, or doing homework, I will CALL HIM BACK WHEN I GET A FREE MOMENT.

When he starts relying on my friends to be his guilt trip, that’s not fair to them. They are more than just “messengers” in some ridiculous relationship keystone cops routine. It is NOT okay for him to get Heather or my big sis Brooke to ask me WHY exactly I’m not including him in the “tuck-in” tonight...and have THEM tell me that he’s put out (why am I reminded of a sulky child?) about that fact. Maybe he hasn’t figured out that I HAVE A BLOODY LIFE OF MY OWN. Don’t USE my friends that way, you cretin! It’s not their job either to be my “mothers” or even my “watchdogs”. Sounds silly, doesn’t it? Well, I think it’s bullshit. (I hope my friends read this, because I’ll be telling them my opinion on this as well.)

And, that there is probably a GOOD REASON why I have not asked him to come to the tuck-in. Like maybe the fact that TUCK-IN is a big/lil sis event, and the guys you bring to it are Unattached for a REASON; it’s for the pledges to enjoy the “hot males” eye candy and have fun...not be some sort of weird “hi, this is a guy I’m dating, I’m gonna let him do semi-weird stuff with/to you, my little sis” kind of thing. NO. I refuse to do something like that with my future little sis. As far as I’m concerned, that is NOT something I’d do to any of my other sisters (Juliana included) so why would I do it to my lil sis? The dynamic friend/date thing is just not something I feel comfortable subjecting anyone to.

It’s making me furious. He needs to STOP being clingy, and GROW UP a Little. I Have a Life, responsibilities (one of which is studying and getting good grades, which takes up a LOT of my time...I am one who actually DOES have to study to get things right...it’s not effortless for me...another is my sorority sisters AND my friends as well) and I’m not going to just drop them to call him EVERY SINGLE DAY because he thinks we’re having a “serious relationship”. Nuh-uh. That doesn’t cut the mustard, buddy. A couple of times a week is GREAT. Fun. Marvelous. I’m not against having dinner a couple times either. But I’m not going to write him into my schedule as an everyday event like “brushing my teeth” or “going to class”. Are you kidding me? HA!

If you haven’t discussed it with me, then DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING. How much more can I bloody well stress that? That’s called a LACK of communication, and it is NOT a good thing to start out a “relationship” with. Trust me, buddy. You aren’t getting off on the right foot with me. In fact, pretty soon you may not have any legs or feet to stand on. Using my friends? Harassing me? ASSUMING without any basis a “steady relationship”? I keep asking myself if this is a joke.

Plus, while video games are great, THEY ARE NOT AN EXTREMELY ENGAGING TOPIC of conversation. I DON’T care about them...at all, really. They aren’t a, shall we say, INTEGRAL part of my life or even my interests. There are MANY other topics of very interesting subjects that are possible. (That I’d probably be more interested in.) If you have NOTHING else that you can talk to me about, then maybe we don’t have enough interests in common to be dating? I have many interests BESIDES computers and games. I am not one-dimensional. Plus, you’ll find that girls don’t really give a fucking damn about things like that. Most of them, at least. C’mon, you have to at least have a few other interests?!!

And to my friends; If I ask you to give me my stuff (like if I’m dumb and left it at your house)....just wait a few days if you have to, but YOU give it to me. Don’t give it to the guy that I’m dating because he’ll “see me sooner”. That can just lead to a WHOLE lot of relationship problems that I don’t want to deal with/have happen. Please. We are JUST dating. And while I don’t doubt boy-in-question’s integrity, It just makes life a LOT less complicated.

I dunno WHAT, exactly is making me so angry (maybe a little pms coupled with relationship stress), but I am NOT happy with it. I’m beginning to think it would be easier for me if I just didn’t go out with said guy. My life would be so much less complicated, without my friends trying to pressure me into something I may or may not want to do (go out with guy) with comments like “You’d make such a cute couple” blah blah blah. What if I DON’T CARE, guys? True, he’s a great friend, and fun, and all that, but MAYBE, just maybe Have you considered that I may not be as thrilled as YOU about the “relationship”?

I admit, I’m a private person. I’m not going to just volunteer info about what I consider my private life (this web journal perhaps being a GIANT exception to that) and I really don’t enjoy it being pried out of me. It’s okay with my friends...I don’t mind THAT much. After all, they care. But when things start to feel like the Spanish Inquisition...I’m not happy or comfortable or accepting of that. It’s a no-go, everyone. So why is it that they are bugging me about this “relationship”? Maybe I’m just reluctant to tell them, but it really seems like they never did this when any other of my friends was dating. Or, what about the one with a steady bf? Why doesn’t she go under the same inquisition process? What gives them the right, exactly, then, to do such a thing to me? I feel like a bug pinned under a microscope. I HATE THAT, DAMNIT.

IF you think this circus that has become my life is funny, just factor in some more stuff: My mom has been bugging me about financial aid and study overseas credit, as well as my housing and working arrangements for the summer...and I do mean NAGGING. Every Day.

Ever wanted to seriously take out a contract on someone(s)?

Welcome to my life.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Ear canals and Supervisor Evals...

My left ear is still plugged. Tomorrow I'll go to the ashe center and see if they can do anything about unplugging it. Dratted thing. I'm almost deaf in that ear. How annoying.

I get to hang out with Totran again today. YAY! Hmm, dinner and ice cream. Yummy. I'd better call her.

I also have to go to that stupid access control meeting tonight. I'll find out what it's all about tho, for the summer and stuff. Eh. Oh, and I'm picking up the late LATE shift tonight (I'll get my bio reading done) so that I'll have saturday off. Good deal, I love Eddy for getting me out of that evil shift.

Hmm. I'm hungry. latahz!

Monday, May 03, 2004

The good stuff (candy for hibernating Lanenkars)

More good quotes from the nuthouse/room 6## of UCLA:

You wanna tell her why you think he's hot? -Ak to An
Yeah, you think he's hot cuz he's got a big package or soemthing? yeah, that must be it! -Em

The floor is different from the floor -Em
I think he was trying to make bone INTO the floor -El

Aaaaaaaaand NOW, what you've all been waiting for (you probably expected it a long time ago)...
You are 41.5% freak
Take the Freak Test, FREAK!

Weather heats up, Elaine comes out of Hibernation!

Have not updated because...Have not. Ah well. Lots of goodies today.

Today is monday. And I am extremely proud of myself for this last weekend. I got all my LS1 reading done saturday night at work, as well as all the other shit that I had to get done too. Oooh, and the best part was that I totally had a great time as well. I like this time management shit. It really is a smart deal. Why, oh why, did it take me so long to figure that out?
*sighs*

Went to see "The Room"--an independent film on friday with Panda and amigos. Had a GREAT time. It's so incredibly BAD, (on purpose, of course) that it was hilariously funny. It's essentially a new "Rocky Horror Picture Show" in its infant stages. Fantastic. Drove Panda (who was slightly liquored up) there and then back, with a pit stop at Denny's wearing my bizarre getup...which someday I'll post a picture of. hee hee hee!

Suffice to say, I was wearing black etnies sneakers with pink embroidery on them, jesters tights (vertically striped), my orange/paisely pleated skirt, a white one-shoulder wifebeater tee, my blue tie, and a black kerchief around my neck. My right eye had trippy eyemakeup/liner and sparkly shit, and the left was just normal--brown eyeliner, mascara, skin-tone makeup. Wheee! I was a FREAK parade, and skurrred off all the peepz. Ha ha, I totally did NOT match. That, coupled with the wierd eye makeup, was enough to scare a group of big black guys when I descended the steps of rieber with Panda, a couple asian moms with kids, Jeremy the front desker.... and many, many more.

I wonder why it's so amazingly satisfying to dress in such a way? Probably because all the attention you get is SOLELY because you look so wierd, not because you have a booger hanging from your nose or feel self-conscious. What a great feeling. I'm going to have to do it again soon. Ooh, and drag Panda to see the Rocky Horror Picture show as well, since he hasn't seen it.

On Saturday, I had brunch with the lovely and marvelous Totran. I love her, she's great and fun. Waaaaah ! I want her! WAAAAAH ! I'm a crazy person, I'll admit, but she's really nice, and fun, and so creative... Has a younger brother, haa haa, and is the oldest child. Plus, she's so CUTE. No, I really mean that. Okay, I know, I'll stop being such a sap and singing her praises like a looney... but I'm really excited! I'm going to call her up this week and do something with her as well. It was a bummer that I only got to talk to her a little at brunch, since we ran into Lauren (long brown hair, dunno last name...there's 5 of them!) and her roommate. Nice girls, but I'm a selfish git! "I wanna talk to her...she's Mine! MINE!" heee heee hee!

I slept the rest of Saturday...kind of, since I kept getting my nap interrupted by people calling about the potential "beach day" the next day. Whahooo! We didn't end up going to the beach though, because everyone wussed out. So, we went to the pool instead. (Jason and I.) Julie and Heather stopped by, and Heather and Jason and I had dinner at the dorms. Such a social life I'm having!

Oooh, some good quotes from that:

"He sinks because he has more muscle. He's more lean. I float because I have more bouyancy from fat...THANKS BOOBS!!!" -Heather (On why Jason sinks so easily)

"Ha ha, look at the little sausage, trying to swim!!"-Heather (talking about herself as a chubby child)

After a short trip to Hedrick for sundry necessities, I booted them out, and finally went to bed after goofing off on my computer for several hours, reading my new book (lent by Jolee) "The Rape of Nanking", and watching "The Samurai and the Swastica" on the History channel. Whew! All that, instead of doing my LS1 Calibrated Peer Review Assignment like I should have...but I finished it anyway at 2 today. Go me!

After I get someone to proofread it, I'll go swimming. I've decided that I need SOME sort of exercise, and that's a great way to get it...all over body toning, YUM!

Here's to hoping I don't get too bad a sunburn!