Oop! Some hilarity and quotable disasters...

OH! On a happier note, I forgot to mention that I had new quotes from the nuthouse/weekend adventures. We got a day pass, and hilarity resulted... Here they are:


"AUUGH! My kidneys are collapsing!!"-t on red/yellow tea water

"Oh, it's HORRIBLE. It looks like Peg Bundy threw up all over herself!"-t on dress in BEBE window (she's got a job as a future fashion critic, I'm SURE!)

"Hey mom, now that I have a job, I'll take my coffee with two sugars and a LOT LESS OF YOUR BULLSHIT!!"-t on mommy nagging

"Look! That looks like pyjamas--that flowery thing in that window!"-e on dress
"That's what's in--the 'just got off the mailman's dick' look!"-t on fashion

"The golfkart's like, 'No, I'm to heavy for this kind of physics-bending bullshit!'"-t on golfcart curb jumping

"Libraries are cool. In fact, I have a t-shirt that says, 'If I could kiss a library and stick my cock up a library's ass, I would!'"-t on e's trying to get jobs through gay prostitution (at libraries??)
...though t has no dick herself....

"I like libraries...and people. ...And, I LIKE libraries....and...people. But MOSTLY Libraries!!"-e on why she should work as a librarian

"Fuhk me allreddy. Just stick your fat Dick up my...allreddy."-e mocking skanky bitches with baby voices


"When we're old, we'll go up this hill with powercarts, like nascar racers!"-e on climbing hills of Westwood
(in granny voice) "Ima gonna beatcha up this hill, betch!"-t imitating e being old
(in granny voice) "Granny Tybay goes, 'ohh, NO, you wont!!'"-t
"I bet one of your cats!!"-e to t
"Yeah, well, I fucked one of your cats last easter!!"-t to e
"How does every conversation devolve into sex and bestiality?"-e to t
(pause)
"Yeah, well, I'm allergic to cats, so all the cat-fucking was on YOUR side..."-e to t as the final indignity of the conversation


"You know, elephants aren't THAT big...porportionally. To Themselves. To each other. To a female elephant, it's like a hot dog in a hallway."-t on e taking up as Catherine the Great--but upgraded to elephants-- in her old age, since having lots of cats is out.

(T farts) "An important message from your sponsor...(pause) a very vegetabully one!"-t

(T farts again) "Attention KMart shoppers..."-t

"Mummble, grumble....TEA SNIFFER..."-e's imprecation against T violating her drink airspace
"YOU'RE a TEA SNIFFER!!"-t to e in response



Aaand, From the FAMILY IDIOCY file....some real Gems: (Dad launched such a bad one right before dinner with the family that it prompted the following slightly disgusting discussion of farting/rank odors...)

"I didn't know there were different brands of fart."-j
"Ohhh, yeah."-e

"It's a CLINGY one."-dad
"Then there's the LINGERING kind that doesn't go away..."-j
"Oh, yeah, the 'silent killer'!"-e

"Mine aren't so..."-e
"Clingy?"-j
"...poisonous..."-e
"RANCID!!!"-j


We had to open the window to get it to dissipate--that's when you KNOW they're trying to kill you. AHAHAHA!



And just a final thought for the night (found this online somewhere...think about it, and what it spells out):

Foxtrot. Uniform. Charlie. Kilo.

UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH...

So, my job is definitely challenging. Or, at least, being put on the far away floor (M2) in the far building is challenging. I got all the plates all ready and got there early (five pm as opposed to 630), but then I had a bunch of NEW patients (diabetic, etc) with specialized menu's that I DIDN'T have, so I had to call for them...and the expediter got one wrong...UGH! Massive pain in the neck.

I had to stay late to go around and get all the orders for breakfast, and many of my trays didn't even get collected. ARG!! Leo's going to be sooooo pissed! AUGH! (He's the night time manager). Unfortunately, I didn't have time to remind the other guy that he had to check the other hallway's rooms for used trays, so he took all my carts---a couple of them not even full!

So, needless to say, my short summary of my first official working day: IT SUCKED. NOT ENOUGH TIME.

Blah.

Added on that, I'm coming down with some sort of cold. I've been trying to fight it off with cough drops and Nyquil at night, but it's just gotten worse today. I feel pressure around my eyes in all of my sinuses, and needless to say, felt a bit out of it at the end of my shift. At least my throat has stopped hurting, though. But, now I have a nasty cough. I just can't win, can I?

Thank god that I'm not doing early shifts anymore, though. I won't have to suffer through eight hours, only four or so.


I was walking back from the far building, and it was so cold (no jacket!!) that my nose and eyes started running like mad! I could barely see. I'm sure THAT doesn't help.

Added on that general misery...my eyes feel intolerably itchy and dry. I keep drinking water, and putting in eye drops, but no relief. Maybe I'm allergic to something? GRAH. Annoying.


Oh, and if you didn't catch it already, I'm a glorified waitress at the hospital. Yep, that's my job. I get to take diet orders, ask patients what they want, and then give them their food...and collect their trays when they're done. Sorta like room service in a hotel, but some people only get certain foods.

Reminds me of when I was stuck in the hospital with a busted jaw---they gave me clear liquids to eat, and jello. I kept being annoyed though, because I really COULDN'T strain the jello through my teeth with them wired shut... Ahh, the petty annoyances one remembers. I don't remember any pain, or anything like that (hooray for drugs) just annoying things like trying to eat with syringes and stuff. Silly, eh?

Am tired, but dunno if I will be able to sleep. Caffeine got me through the end of my shift, and I don't know when it'll wear off. I think I might go drink some more hot broth. Or something.

And maybe eventually my damn eyes will stop itching. Stupid things.

And with that, I think I'll go get ready for bed and have my broth. Can't wait to sleep in...maybe daddy will let me.......I can hope, right?

Birthdays, Pinup girls, and other business...

So I was on Fb, taking one of those silly quizes--you know, the "if you were a pinup girl, which one would you be" ones... And I just HAD to share this with y'all ('cause I think it's pretty hilarious, and dunno if it's really THAT accurate); so here goes, my pinup-girl alter ego is...

Betty Grable

You are a lusty leggy lady who would have insured her legs for a million bucks, per leg, and who would have been the number 1 pin up girl in WWII. Work it girl.

AHAHAHAHA. *snorts* AHAHAHAA!

Brilliant.

Also, I started a new job. That's right, a new JOB! I am no longer a environmentalist moocher-bum. I am now gainfully employed, and undergoing training. Want to know what I do? Well, basically I feed pregnant ladies in the hospital, according to what they want and what their diet allows. I'm a glorified waitress, really. Except I get called a "catering assistant". HA. I tell you folks, I'm a damn WAITRESS! The job IS really interesting though, learning all about dietary requirements and requires me to be in constant motion a lot of the time.

The only drawback is that the start time is at 6am for training. Uhggg. And that my shoes make my feet hurt. Barf. But I have new comfy back pants to ameliorate my sorrows, and someday soon, I will have money from my transcription work for my aunt to buy some--I hope.

Not much else is new.

Wait, I misspoke. Jules has a new golden Labrador puppy named "Kona" after their favorite Hawai'ian beer. Pssht. Little bugger likes to gnaw on you, since she still has her puppy teeth. She's officially two months old. And, the biggest indoor dog ever. She cries if you try to go for a walk and go further than the nearest corner, or out of sight of their apartment. Wussy. Damned cute little thing, though. She thinks the leash is a chew toy/tug of war toy also.

Birthday has passed. I feel old, another year on the 24th. Got some cool loot though. Pearls (choker-length black pearls with reddish sheen), the Depp version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and the two final books in the "Fitzwilliam Dary" series by Pamela Aidan. --Which is basically a WELL-WRITTEN fanfiction novel series from Darcy's (from Pride and Predjudice) point of view. Marvelous! Am already started on the second one, but have not had any uninterrupted time to really devour it like I did the first one. Tybay already has been given the first one of the series with instructions to read ASAP as the waiting list is three deep (Auntie Kate, Jules, and Mom). Haha.

Anyway, must go socialize with the 'rents and drink my fume blanc (yay, I rock at buying white wine at Trader Joes!) so I will away for now!

Easter Laughs!

Happy Easter everybody! Here are some more stellar quotes from the nut house (around here):


"I been a good kid! ...But I'm TIRED of being good."-mom on buying unhealthy cookiebun

"Use your flying fickle finger of fate."-mom
"Mom, I don't think that applies to french fries."-j
"Well, it applies to fingers!"-mom

"Your brain on thesis: sputter-sputter-DIE."-e to j

"You're running on synaptic FUMES!!!"-e to j
"You're just poppin' 'em out like butt babies."-e to t on her 'roll'

"210 in the afternoon--chase pigeons. 211 in the afternoon-feel infinite satisfaction."-t on daily agenda/list

"You're just blind-batshit-crazy-desperate."-t to e on jobsearching

"I'm a grassroots employed moocher bum!"-e

"That's how prostitutes should be--'Please have ticket and money ready, pull up to thighs.'"-t on parking lot pay booths

"I'll sack lunch YOUR cookie..."-t to e's teasing with sack of cookies.

“Wanna BOOT by proxy?!?”-Dad
*flings shoe at me*

“You can say you’re having pig testicles for your birthday dinner.”-dad
“Pig testicles?? How about pig bits?”-e
“how about sexual material from a male pig?!?”-mom
“Eeeew, gross mom!”-e
“Or just PIG BALLS!!”-mom

“Are you having a cow?”-e
“I’m having a cow, three elk, an elephant, and maybe a moose.”-t on computer failure

“Well, Phooey.”--e
“No, no, Phooey does not describe it. You say ‘fuck!’ when you stub your toe… Phooey is when you go to the market and they don’t have your favorite tea.”-t to e on how to appropriately apply swearwords to compys

“We need a new name for the lappy…”-e
“Heath Ledger lappy!”-t
“How about, Limón!??”-e
“Limón the lappy!”-t on new compy’s failure

“What about the other one…What’s it called, Broke Line lappy??”-E
“No, that one’s Sizzle…. Or maybe Caliente!”-T on old lappy (the Compaq)


Thankyou,comeagain!

Car Accident?!? And the Chiquita Cruiser may get retired...

So, I've basically spent all my morning transcribing interviews for my aunt's master's thesis. Yikes. By hand, because I still (unfortunately) write faster than I type. Rats. I'll have to work on that.

Anyhow, here I spent the morning working, right? Interrupted only by my dad calling me on the radio, and telling me to call mom at work before she left at like 1240. Nothing else. So i did, and just missed her (she leaves at 12, according to laurie). Then he grouched at me to call her every ten minutes on the radio (or so). So I did...whenever I was at a good stopping point for my transcribing.

You'd think the silly man would tell me that he'd gotten into an auto accident, and that he was okay, and had made it to the other house in Garden Grove. But, nooo. I had to wait until he came home about half an hour ago to discover that he'd been side-swiped by a semi, and then t-boned a volvo...and walked away unscathed. Shook up, and running high on adrenalin, but okay. Damn!

So yeah, now the car that gets good mileage is pretty thrashed---in the front and the sides in the back. Terrifying to hear about, because let's face it, most people who tangle with semi-trucks end up dead, pushing daisies, buying the farm, kicking the bucket, etc. Eeek. I am SO glad that he's okay. And that Dad's a fairly experienced, safe driver---he was tooling along doing his usual (slow) 65 in the right hand lane...

Thankyou, thankyou THANKYOU whoever was watching over Daddy!

Gawd, I practically had a heart attack when he came home after working on the sprinklers (and other things) at the other house all day, and then told me about having an accident... If I'd known, it would have been better than getting whacked in the back of the head like that with the shock.

Thank god for cars made of STEEL. Oh, yeah. And thank god for having radios in all the cars!