Monday, May 29, 2006

To be, or not to be....Jewish? ...What's in a name?

Just went through a really REALLY long meeting tonight.

Here's the rub. I'm not overly fond of labeling things. It can have extremely bad connotations and good connotations to say "we are a jewish organization [nationally]." Being jewish means something different to every person. I think that the problem that most people who have not EXPERIENCED what Jewish culture can be will categorize our house as "religiously jewish"---with all the sundry and various assumptions that follow the practice of any religion.

I'm not fucking Jewish. I'm not in a "Jewish" house. I am in a house, founded by seven JEWISH women, on CULTURAL values of tolerance, love, acceptance, and compassion. I think personally that those values are MUCH more important for me to stress and express in my daily life/actions than some (incorrect/insufficient) statement about being apart of some organization that is Jewish. It has a Jewish heritage. Very simple. There is NO religion involved whatsoever. Zip. Zero. Nada. There is more to being Jewish than just a religion, which is Judaism. That is the problem of perception that exists here---people are unaware of a split between cultural life and religious practice.

I liked Elana's example of being "Italian"---you think of good wine and food, laughter, culture, religion, family, warmth. I think the word Jewish should be able to evoke some of the same values. It certainly does for me! In the House, of course, there is no religious aspect, but all the others are present, just like in the Italian example...and more.

I have NOTHING against being Jewish. I've LOVED learning about what it is to be culturally Jewish (and sometimes religiously jewish through holidays and festivals) through living and interacting with other women in this sorority day-to-day. I knew NOTHING about cultural versus religious "Jewishness" until I lived here with my sisters. It's been a journey of understanding and tolerance that has really opened my eyes to looking at OTHER religions in a similar way---what are their values? Their strengths? What is their culture? How do their culture and religion interact? I have learned SO MUCH. I feel so much more aware of other values and cultures besides my own.

I really feel like my journey of four years has been an amazing learning experience, not just on a cultural level, but on an individual level as well. I've started to understand that expressing ideals is done through all of my actions, every day.

I think that I was very confused tonight by the ladies from national when they said that they wanted us to stress our foundations, our heritage, our HISTORY of being Jewish. I feel that is a very LIMITING perspective. Especially at UCLA, which is extremely diverse and does NOT have a large jewish population that would be interested in joining a "Jewish" (aka, only for jewish people, jewish religion and culture exclusively) sorority. I feel that is not and has never been the position of our House at UCLA. We are instead, the tolerant, loving sorority of genuine women of "character, culture and charm." We are, by that earlier definition (the exclusive example, instead of the inclusive) then set somewhat apart---we need another way to describe our Sorority, since "Jewish" is just too small to fit all that we are!

Perhaps we would be better served to the UCLA community by outreaching and educating them about what OUR definition of "Jewish House" looks like. It's certainly not the way they think of it now!! Perhaps to truly understand, we need them to experience it---bring them into our lives, our house, our family and let them SEE what, how, WHO we are. Or provide them with examples. I think that would be better ANY DAY than affixing a potentially deleterious label (or even one that could become deleterious through no fault other than simple ignorance) like "Jewish" as a one word phrase to describe us all.

I am not a one word phrase. I am not something that can be labeled with one word. I refuse to be, and I refuse to do that to my sisters. I can only hope they agree with me, and will do the same thing, while at the same time respecting the privileges and choices that we now have. We can honor our history, our past, and at the same time, forge a unique future perspective for the rest of our Sorority. We are truly the flagship of such an example of sisterhood.

So there you have my particular reasoning for the whole "Jewish" discussion tonight.

I hope all the new babies weren't scared off by the forcefulness of the whole discussion. It got pretty heated there for a while. Really, they shouldn't worry. I had no bloody clue what I was getting into when I started, and look where I am now! Perhaps that's the best way to learn---exposure and experience. Oh pleeease, let them all be okay with all the hullabaloo.

Perhaps national just didn't understand that we have already been defining ourselves differently with respect to our heritage--we have been for many years now, and will do so for many more, I think. A E Phi UCLA is just different that way.

grazie to little for letting me use her compy, and grazie to everyone who listened to me at meeting tonight. love you all!
lml~

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Mental meltdown imminent...

It is damn hot in this computer lab. Eurg. Hmmm--a bit of a mystery. My spanish class was cancelled today. I wonder why? I haven't checked my email, so I really have no idea why. Plus, I didn't go to class on Monday (whoops). Uhoh.

Wierd ass dude in comp lab keeps walking by and giving me the mad-dog eye. go away, you psycho! I'm just sitting here, typing away innocently.

I really felt tired yesterday. Not really sure why. I think my sleep schedule is fucked up or something. I took a nap after my first class, goofed off, then decided to go to bed early (at like 750). I was almost asleep, and Heather and Julie and Christian arrived to whisk me off to fun adventures (Diddy, Gushi, Royce wandering) for the rest of the night. I got home around 1250... Helped little with her paper (hope she did well) and then crashed. Woke up at seven something with a full bladder, had to get up...then couldn't pass out for a few more hours (till 930-ish). Then I arrive at myt first class of the day, and lo and behold, I coulda slept in. Well, damn.

I really miss Heather and Julie. I really don't get to see them very often. Waaaah! Saw them on sunday night too...came home sliiiightly drunken from two lemon drop martinis, and then passed out. (We went to the W). Of course, I then woke at like 325 am, and couldn't get back to sleep, so I finally got up at 530-ish, and staggered downstairs to commune with the compy. It sure rained on monday! Which is SORTA why I didn't manage to make it to that first class. Eeeek. Must email Patricia for the notes.

Yarr. Brain has melted from heat. Must work on resume. TTYL!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Antipathy for Idiocy

I have concluded that there are just some people that are irredeemable assholes. Take Mz. X, for example. She's so petty that she can't even say hello or wave when walking by on her way to class, and when sitting down at a table, has to move her chair away, like there's some sort of danger of corruption by sitting near me. Sound pretty juvenile to you? Yeah, it does to me.

Added on those facts that she's a spoiled Jewish princess, who can't modulate the tone of her voice (she's fucking loud and overbearing in all conversations, all the time) and you have something that I find supremely irritating. At least I can be civil without being RUDE. Dumb broad. Grow up, you stupid bitch---all that shit is SO Junior High. Maybe I'll just help you out and make a list of all your bad qualities, just to help you out. Here you go:

(at least) 10 reasons why you suck:
1. You walk around like an elephant. Learn to walk quietly. Jeeze, didn't your mother ever teach you girls aren't supposed to sound like giants tromping around. Think Gazelle, not GIANT.

2. Shut your mouth. Nobody wants to hear all your stories all the time. Let OTHER people talk, instead of having to have all the attention of the conversation on you.

3. Be civil. You aren't, but TRY. People might actually tolerate you then.

4. Don't try to be an immature bitch and exclude people. You're not subtle about it, and others notice and it reflects badly on you.

5. Learn not to unload your problems the minute someone walks in the door. Give them a few minutes before you "attack", you pitbull. Be considerate---they might have had a long, BUSY day and are TIRED.

6. Seriously, stop whinging about being fat---if you never work out or get exercise, and you don't eat right, of COURSE you're going to be fat. Go out and excersize instead of whinging.

7. Learn how to keep a boy(friend) for more than two weeks. Yee, ever heard of commitment?

8. You're not that funny. Really. Stop trying to be amusing.

9. Shallow is as shallow does. Guess that means you're from the low end of the pool, there.

10. Don't try to bag on me to other people. I have the courtesy of not doing it to you (except here, but really, who reads this?) and I don't try to turn others against you. If you have a personal grudge, fine. But don't air your dirty laundry to people who don't know the first thing about the whole situation. Unless of course you want to tell them to come to me and hear MY side of the story? No? So sorry it might make you look bad. So just stop.

11. Drop dead, and save me the trouble of having to keep going with this list. Really. I could add a lot more, but I've better things to do.

Ahh, now I feel better. I think that all needed to be said, to eliminate any residual feelings of antipathy for your lame ass. Get over yourself. Civility is a courtesy universal to all cultures---and obviously something you need to learn. You can HATE my guts, but please, do it in your OWN time. Don't waste mine with your petty and juvenile displays.

Thanks.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Apartment Blues

Am so frustrated.

Toes and Tanya and I found an apartment....good price, really nice. The only damn snag is that my parents seem to be in denial of what my summer plans are, and aren't willing to co-sign for registration (which means a credit check---I can understand why they wouldn't want to get one, since unneccessary ones lower your credit score, each time you get one...) so we might not get the apartment.

So to eliminate confusion here are my summer plans:
1. Find a job. work at said job.
2. Take a full load of classes (10 units) for A and C summer session.
3. Find a place to live here, since it'd be easier than having to carpool. Also, I'll need a place for next school year---might as well get a place for the year, since I'll most likely be working for the two(?) quarters after I finish school.

This means (a) I will probably need someone to co-sign on a lease SOMEWHERE. (b) You can't find places that do month-to-month rent around here, because it's a STUDENT area---that means a long-term lease. (c) I can't live in the sorority, so I might as well find a place that I can live in for the entire year. This will save time and effort if I decided to do the whole subletting thing---I wouldn't have to scramble madly to find another apartment. Whohoo!

Fuck.

So my two girlfriends who I was planning on living with are going to get an apartment, and I have to scramble like mad to find another roommate to live with IF I want to live with them. (Which I REALLY do.) Or, if they find two people who're ready to sign up on the lease with them, then I have to find my own living situation. Greeeeeaaaat. It's not their fault, I wouldn't blame them if they found two other roomies. They need a place to live, asap. So do I but the memo must have gotten lost somewhere. Shoved up a crack somewhere, maybe.

I know it's sudden to spring on the parents. I know they don't like the manager, but he's got a week until the current residents of the apartment move out, and he wants to make sure that the apartment will be occupied with people and not losing him money by standing empty. I'd be pretty frustrated if I had some potential tenants that were suddenly acting flaky after one of them confirmed that they were going to go ahead. I can understand that. Okay, so maybe we confirmed that we'd go ahead too soon and didn't give us enough time to explain everything and get our parents approval. Why is this so damn difficult?

Maybe I just needed more time to explain to MY parents what was going on. Obviously so. It is just really frustrating to feel like I letting my roomies down by not being on the same page-----since I'm the only one really dependent upon them to pay for my housing. This is why I really HATE being financially dependent and not working. I KNEW I should have just gotten my own damn job in the first place and started supporting myself. This is just too much of a hassle to deal with not being able to do stuff without my parent's approval. I feel like a five year old that's been smacked on the hands for reaching for a cookie.

I can see that credit checks won't help anyone if I'm not going to get the apartment. Yeah, I gotcha. But what is so different about getting an apartment NOW as opposed to when I get out of college and am living on my own? I'd need them to co-sign then too. RRRRRRG. I'm not going to be living with them for the rest of my life!

Fuck.

Final conclusion: I really REALLLY need a job. Then I could pay for my own damn housing. I think that my parents are in denial. I need to GET THROUGH SCHOOL and to do that, I need to take classes here and WORK. ARRRRRG.

Maybe I'm just too damn frustrated about this.

Yeah, that's it.